06 Dec I feel like my curves are the reason I’m having marriage problems!

Story

“I’m not sure if my story requires a dietitian, a psychologist or a marriage councillor… I’m 32 years old, my height is 1.68m and I usually weight around 68-73 kilos. I try to exercise from time to time, but to be honest, I hate working out. It’s not that I don’t have the time, I just don’t really feel up to it. If you saw me, you’d probably think I’m exaggerating in sending you this email, since my overall appearance is normal. For some, my curves are even considered sexy. However, I feel like my curves are the reason I’m having problems in my marriage. Even though my husband had never given me any reason to believe that he’s having an affair, and he still affectionate towards me after 7 years of marriage, it’s obvious that he prefers skinnier women. I can tell from the way he looks at them on TV or when we’re out together. And when he does it, I feel even fatter, even more stressed that I can’t lose 6-7 kilos and stabilize my weight. The weirdest thing is that whenever I feel like this, I stop eating for 2-3 days and then empty the whole fridge on the 4th! Do you think I should consult a psychologist?”

 

Response      

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

From a health point of view, your normal weight is between 56-70 kilos, so even at 73 you’re not far off. What this practically means is that if you were happy at 73, there wouldn’t be a very high necessity for you to lose weight, although it would be ideal for you to stabilize it around 70 and under.

In your care we need to look at two things: the way you look at your own body and a diet that will allow you to lose weight.

Let’s start off with your body image. The way we look at our body often affects how we think other people look at it. This means that we project the way we see ourselves to others. In your case, it’s possible that you’ve done that with your husband.

How does it work? If you subconsciously feel insecure about some aspect of your body, you may be perceiving this insecurity through your husband. So what ends up happening is that you don’t directly feel insecure about your own body, you feel insecure about what your husband thinks.

In reality, you don’t feel comfortable with your body. Even your husband’s preference for skinnier women may be a characteristic that you’ve given him, without it necessarily being true. Regardless of whether he prefers skinner women or not, however, the fact that you believe he does, and the fact that you focus on that, can cause negative emotions about yourself and your body.

Solution

From a psychological point of view, it all starts from the way you perceive your own body’s image. The harshest judge you’ll evet meet is yourself, and that’s true for most people. When you look in the mirror, try not to think negative things about your body. Try not to avoid saying things like “Oh, I gained weight”, or “My curves look bad”, or “My husband’s not going to like me”. Try to find your body’s positive aspects, what looks beautiful, and focus on that!

Curves don’t only have to do with weight. they also have to do with your body type. Different body types will put on weight differently. Many would tell you to avoid comparing yourself with famous beautiful women, but I’ll tell you to do the opposite. If you look around you, you’ll see that times are changing, curves are in style! Don’t ever feel bad about them, there’s literally women out there who are paying money and getting implants just to get what you naturally have! Also, remember that confidence breeds more confidence. When you start feeling good about your body, you’ll start focusing on the positive remarks from those around you, you’ll care about the beautiful aspects of your body when you look in the mirror and not on what you perceived as flaws. Do that, and not only will you feel better, but you’ll also start noticing that the insecurity you have now about what your husband thinks of you will start going away.

In the end you ask me if you should consult a psychiatrist. Unfortunately the best answer I can give you is that you don’t have to do it, but if you think that it would help you then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t give it a try.

Now, let’s talk a little bit about your weight. If you wanna lose weight, not eating for 2-3 days and then emptying the fridge is not the way to go, as I’m sure you understand. It’s important to have a plan. It doesn’t take huge changes, just reduce your portion sizes, lower the amount of snacks you have between meals and try to avoid anything that isn’t “necessary”, such as chocolates and soft drinks.

Diet

Like I always say with anyone that wants to lose weight, start off with a very simply step. Try to fit your whole meal in a single plate. You don’t need to take this literally, just try to make sure that the overall volume of your meal fits in one plate. Try to have 50% of your meal, or your plate, coming from vegetables and fruits, 25% from pasta, bread, rice, potatoes and other starchy foods, and 25% from protein foods, like meat, beans, fish, eggs and meat alternatives. From that point on, you can further reduce your portions, or eat low-calories foods to further increase the rate and magnitude of your weight loss.

Exercising

Many people don’t like to exercise. You might not have the time, the energy or the mood to do it. At any case, you don’t necessarily need to go to the gym to exercise. Walking and housework are a good way to squeeze in a little work-out. If you want tone your body a little bit and burn some extra calories, try walking to wherever you need to go and doing housework more regularly than usual as exercise. You can see some activities that qualify as working out here.

I hope I was helpful, and once again thank you for sharing your story with us.

KC